Things New Yorkers Do
- Live with a to-go cup of coffee permanently attached to your hand.
- Order EVERYTHING. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, wine, shopping, clothes, weed, sex, love, movies, order ANYTHING anytime.
- Say, “I’m going on a yoga retreat.”
- Say, “I can’t sign any contracts this week because Mercury is in retrograde.”
- Say, “I’m looking for a healer. Do you know a good healer?”
- Use Oh my god to open or conclude any sentence to express sadness, joy, surprise, anger, boredom, pleasure. Oh my god yes!
- Say, “Oh my god we haaaaave to get some coffee together!!!!” and then never ever text.
- Not see your friends for three months even though you live on the same street because everyone in the world is too busy.
- Almost lose your sh#t because you just realized that the dinner you just said yes to is in BROOKLYN. Ugh.
- Bitch about how everyone is too busy and then hear some guy say, “Dinner?! Yes of course! How does three weeks from now sound to you?” after looking at his planner.
- Spend three weeks planning said dinner, send 3543 emails to get 4 fu#*%g friends together, an hour on the phone with the restaurant to get a good table at a decent hour (Ok, just, any table. Okay, 9:30. Ok.) and then…
- Cancel at 9:27 because “Oh my god I’m just so tired. Would you be upset if…”
- Give everyone the biggest hugs like you’re BFFs that haven’t seen each other for three years even if it’s only the third time you’ve ever met someone.
- Say “OMG I LOVE YOU” to someone you think is nice.