black holes and gray matter. in one thousand tangos.

             

10 Mind Blowing Sex Tips

"Put an Altoid in your mouth. Now spit it out and stop trying to hack communication with gimmicks and props.

Always assume your public groping is far less subtle than you think it is.

Drive men and women and people who identify as gender neutral absolutely wild by paying attention to them and what they’re enjoying, like they’re an individual you are attracted to.

Think of your partners’ genitals as genitals. They are not tennis balls, flowers, butterflies, or meat.

Sext each other like the NSA is watching and you want to put on a fantastic show.

Mixing food with sex can be fun. It can also cause a yeast infection. Weigh the risks.

Trying too hard is really sexy, so make sure to devote two hours a week to memorizing and practicing complex new sexual routines.

If you feel like your partner is losing interest or hiding things from you, skip the cyber-stalking and douse yourself Carrie-style in chocolate syrup.

Remember that testicles, earlobes, labia, and eyelids are delicate. If you’re going to yank, bite, pull, or abuse any of these body parts with a fork, proceed with caution and talk about it first.

There’s a difference between having sex with your partner and having sex at them. Do the first one.”

The New Inquiry

“A street prostitute in Dallas may make as little as $5 per sex act. But pimps can take in $33,000 a week in Atlanta, where the sex business brings in an estimated $290 million per year. It is not nearly as lucrative in Denver, where prostitution and other elements of an underground trade are worth about $40 million.” NYT In-Depth
“Atlanta’s underground sex trade is larger than Seattle, D.C., and Denver combined. …
[C]oercion and encouragement from family members to make money [is] a bigger factor in persuading women to go into (and stay in) prostitution than physical violence.”
"If you add all the underground economies together, you’ll see the largest combined black markets (by city) are: Atlanta, Miami, San Diego, and Dallas. Across the studied cities, the largest underground market is sex, followed by drugs, then guns."
8 Facts About the US Sex Economy

A street prostitute in Dallas may make as little as $5 per sex act. But pimps can take in $33,000 a week in Atlanta, where the sex business brings in an estimated $290 million per year. It is not nearly as lucrative in Denver, where prostitution and other elements of an underground trade are worth about $40 million.” NYT In-Depth

Atlanta’s underground sex trade is larger than Seattle, D.C., and Denver combined. …

[C]oercion and encouragement from family members to make money [is] a bigger factor in persuading women to go into (and stay in) prostitution than physical violence.”

"If you add all the underground economies together, you’ll see the largest combined black markets (by city) are: Atlanta, Miami, San Diego, and Dallas. Across the studied cities, the largest underground market is sex, followed by drugs, then guns."

8 Facts About the US Sex Economy

“Woman is born free, and everywhere this spring she is in Versace chains, Givenchy harnesses and neoprene Pucci bras with strapping belts. Her ankles are buckled into Giuseppe Zanotti shoes that look like straitjackets. Metal bands by McQueen enclose her neck. To afford her trappings, she works 12-hour days. If the corner office has never felt more like a cell, it has also never looked more like a sex dungeon — and the dialectics of master (or is it mistress?) and servant have never been more elegantly twisted.”
"High fashion may be fetishizing fetish, but it was fetishized by fetish first.
All of which is another way of saying that porn is thicker than chic. Almost nothing else is.”
Read on: Restrain Yourself | NYT

Woman is born free, and everywhere this spring she is in Versace chains, Givenchy harnesses and neoprene Pucci bras with strapping belts. Her ankles are buckled into Giuseppe Zanotti shoes that look like straitjackets. Metal bands by McQueen enclose her neck. To afford her trappings, she works 12-hour days. If the corner office has never felt more like a cell, it has also never looked more like a sex dungeon — and the dialectics of master (or is it mistress?) and servant have never been more elegantly twisted.”

"High fashion may be fetishizing fetish, but it was fetishized by fetish first.

All of which is another way of saying that porn is thicker than chic. Almost nothing else is.”

Read on: Restrain Yourself | NYT

I Am So Sorry You probably Didn’t Have an Orgasm That Time We Hooked Up

Oh no! I read this article on the New York Times about how you didn’t have an orgasm when we hooked up. That sucks! I’m so sorry. I had no idea. …

This is all according to the New York Times, of course, and who knows more about sex than them? According to the Times, women are more likely to have an orgasm when they’re in a committed relationship with their sex partner than they are with a stranger pressed up against them after a lot of Sauza shots. So much for all those think pieces on the new hook-up culture in places like the New York Times. (In July.)

For me, the female orgasm is way more important than my orgasm! I have at least 1,000 male orgasms a day. And most of those are just on the Path Train from Journal Square to Word Trade Center. … Remember when the New York Times said there was no such thing as bisexual men? The New York Times is generally about as right about sex as Sister Francis was in first grade. …

And, hey, I guess committed relationships are pretty cool. I mean, I’ve barely ever been in one, but I’ve heard good things. Like in August Strindberg plays. Pretty much everyone I know in a committed relationship is always telling me just how amazing all the sex they’re having is. They are clearly the most-satisfied sexual people in the world. No one in a relationship has ever wanted to have random hook-up sex with anyone who isn’t their committed partner. That is why we have no such thing as Western Literature. Or art of any kind. And there is literally no music on the radio. And porn has never been invented.

Do guys care more about pleasing their partners when they’re in committed relationships? Maybe, because the lady-committed partners would totally tell all their friends how bad you are at sexing. And you’d be like, why are her friends always giving me weird looks at dinner parties? Oh, right, because she has told them all I am the worst sex partner in the world. Awesome. Pass the hummus, Thisbe.

I don’t know if 600 college students is the best control group for a sex study. I mean, maybe the ladies didn’t have orgasms during hook-up sex because they had a huge chemistry midterm the next day and were totally worried about it, or maybe they had a huge paper due on Piers Plowman. You can’t possibly have an orgasm when you have medieval dream visions on your mind. And, also, none of these 600 college students tried to have a hook-up orgasm with me. Maybe I would do a pretty good job. You should find me on OkCupid. And give me a chance. (I am “hornyloser666.”) …

And please, for the love of my fantasy football team, ask for the things you want in bed. Whether you have just met the person or have known them your whole damned life. Sex is a really good time to ask people for things. Your partner will almost certainly do whatever you want during sex. Particularly men. I once washed a woman’s windows and took out her trash and wrote a paper onPiers Plowman for one lucky lady during sex. I don’t know if she had an orgasm or not, but she did have a huge paper on Piers Plowman. And clean windows. If you can’t ask for the things you want from people while you’re having sex with them, when are you ever going to be able to manipulate them? Probably never. Everyone’s different, and we should never be afraid to show people just how different we are. I am assured by sci-fi movies that we will all have robot lovers soon enough who will do whatever we want all the time. Until then, ask away. You might just get what you want. Which in my case would be another season of The Wire. Who do you have to fuck to get one of those?

hornyloser666 | Hairpin

©2011 Kateoplis